Broken Examples

Proverbs 4:4 Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live.

I run across people every day who don’t have any example of positive relationship. Their family of origin stunk! They weren’t financially responsible or relationally intelligent.

Drugs and alcohol were abused. Conversation never happened except at full volume and with the threat of violence. Children cowered when parents were around. Perhaps even brothers, sisters or cousins weren’t safe. And there was no one to whom they could turn for comfort and security.

So then when these children become adults they have no idea what ‘healthy’ looks like in relationships and life. They have only seen ‘broken’. And because of this lack of positive example, they often struggle through relational life.

Our Proverb today speaks about the importance this good example. The chapter begins with the invitation to listen to a parent’s instruction. Parent’s are supposed to have gained some experience and wisdom as they have experienced life. That is the way it is supposed to happen.

But so often even parents don’t gain wisdom in the area that counts the most. Spiritual growth and wisdom are such a blessing, but so many don’t take the time and energy needed to gain them. And one of the best ways to gain them is through the parent / child relationship.

I was reading something the other day that said learning happens best when failure happens. But think there is an even better teacher, one that involves a lot less pain. We can learn from the mistakes of others.

But there is an even better teacher: parents. When we see what ‘right’ looks like lived out before us it gets ingrained in the fabric of who we are as people made in God’s image.

For example, if we see our father expressing tenderness to our mother in the home, then when it is time for us to date, we expect tenderness to be part of that dating experience. That is what male / female relationships look like. But if we saw condescending or even violent interactions, that is exactly what we think relationships are like.

So if we are willing as parents to speak on God’ behalf into our children’s lives we are doing a great thing. And if as children we allow our parents to speak into us, we also do a great thing. We can learn from them.

Everyone doesn’t have to learn about gravity by having a large object fall on them, or even an apple. We don’t have to get hit by a car to learn that cars are dangerous and not to play in the street. We can learn lessons by listening to the wisdom of others.

So it goes in our spiritual life. We need the Scriptures to guide us, which means we must send time listening to them directly. But we can also learn through others passing along the wisdom they have collected over the years.

So today, either pass along wisdom to someone else, or receive it from them. We all have the joy of finding wisdom and enjoying its fruits.