One of the greatest lessons I have learned over my many years is to pause before giving an answer. Those little pauses have saved me so many headaches. And during that pause I try to ask myself a couple of questions. Maybe you want to start to do the same thing.
The first question I ask is this: do they really want an answer or are they testing the waters? Many people do not deal directly with what they want. They scramble around the edges. I will always answer a sincere question, but I will often not answer others. The sincere question gives me a window into a person’s heart. If they open it, I want to be sensitive to the work of the Spirit and use that opening for the furthering of the Gospel. And in that answer I want to be sure I meet the need, if I am able, of the person asking.
Slowing down your answer gives you time to not react. Answers given out of reaction seldom are good answers. They often come from a defensive posture. When I feel threatened I don’t often make myself vulnerable by being honest. That is why assessing the questioner’s motives is important. They may be asking in a way that puts you in a defensive posture, but they may be truly seeking an answer.
The second question that runs through my mind is this: how will my answer reflect the glory and grace of God? I want every human encounter to be one in which the Holy Spirit can dwell. Since I am made in His image, I want my life, and even my answers, to reflect His character. So I slow down my answers.
If the question comes by email, which is often how questions come to me, I write my response and then save it in drafts. I take a break, sometimes for a day, and go back and reread my answer to be sure it says what I want it to say in a way that honors Him. If it is a question asked directly to me, face to face, then I slow down and begin a conversation. If the question is an attack, I really slow it down. Attacks usually come because they feel threatened themselves and the question comes as a way to keep me at a distance.
The Arnold Journey 