21 Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer to affliction.
Why would anyone chose suffering over non-suffering, increased suffering over decreased suffering? Very few people chose greater suffering if they have the choice. And yet, that is exactly what Elihu is claiming Job is doing. He says Job picked the suffering, and he could just pick non-suffering if he wanted it. Can you imagine being in Job’s place, having his friends work so hard to blame Job for the suffering that he is experiencing? The more they blame, the more isolated and alone you become. You just want someone to be with you, to stay present with you as you struggle with the suffering. And maybe you want someone to help bear some of the load of the suffering. What you don’t want is for someone to pile more on your already tired shoulders. His friends continue to say “It’s your fault” and Job continues to suffer alone. Even if the suffering were his fault, it does no good to continue to remind him of that fact. If a death is your fault, it does no good to continue to remind you of that fact. You are already painfully aware of the fact. What you need is someone to be with you who is not afraid of your suffering, perhaps afraid it will rub off on them. You want someone who will remind you of the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation. Job got none of these things from his friends. When you see someone you know suffering, pull in closer rather than retreating. Let them know they are not alone, that you aren’t going to blame them, even if it is their fault. What comfort is there in telling a life-long chain smoker that their lung cancer is from their smoking!
The Arnold Journey 