14 If anyone who does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note him. Do not associate with him, in order that he may feel ashamed.
What do we do with someone who is a fellow Jesus-follower, but is in sin? We all know someone who is in obvious sin. Or maybe we are that person! Ooops! I want to start by noticing the last phrase. The purpose of the first part of the verse is to bring shame upon them. Shame can be a great thing if it helps us avoid choosing the wrong again. Shame can be a powerful motivator if used correctly. It is good and right to feel shame when the results are something we chose. Shame should not be projected when the person could not control the outcome. Soiled underwear on a toddler is not an appropriate object of shame. On most teenagers, it would be. That is why teenagers don’t soil their underwear. But our society has said that shame is a bad thing. We need “self-esteem” instead. What we need is people making good choices and esteem results. When they make bad choices, shame results, which can motivate to make better choices. If someone is bad at sports, it makes no sense to shame them on the playground. But when they act like a bully, that deserves shame. We need to be held responsible for our actions, and shame is one of those ways to hold someone responsible.
The Arnold Journey 