23Then he lay with his wife again, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. He named him Beriah, because there had been misfortune in his family.
This father lost his two sons during a fight to defend their livestock. Two sons in one day is too much for anyone to bare. Two sons can never be replaced. When a child dies we instinctively know that something is wrong with the universe. We know deep down inside that something is wrong. Later his wife gets pregnant. They did not have another baby in an attempt to replace their dead sons. They did not have the baby to fill the void, for nothing could fill the void when a child dies. In fact, the new baby reminds them of their loss. He gets named Beriah, or Misfortune. Every time they said his name they were reminded of their loss. That is the way grief is in real life. It can come back and hit you out of nowhere. The smallest things can bring the pain and sadness right back to the surface again. Just some practical help when someone has a death. Don’t be afraid to say the word “dead.” Don’t be afraid to talk about that person, and be prepared to listen to stories and tears. Both are OK. Don’t say, “Well, you can always get remarried/ have another child/ build another house.” This loss stands on its own. Be willing to acknowledge it, and not run away. But the most important thing we can do is just be there saying nothing. People just need to know that they are not alone. When we start talking we usually say the wrong thing anyway, so just be there silent.
The Arnold Journey 