21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Fathers can have a greater influence on the outcome of children than we thought. Studies have shown that the relationship of a father to their children is key to their successful transition to adulthood. If fathers are absent or disengaged from their sons, the sons are much more likely to act out in negative, aggressive ways. Daughters are much more likely to become involved sexually earlier. Mothers are key in the early development of personality, fathers are key in development of responsibility. But fathers often embitter their children leading to discouragement. When fathers are inconsistent in the lives of their children, establishing and maintaining clear rules and boundaries, not consistently demonstrating love and acceptance, withholding praise and correction, children don’t know what to expect. When rules change children don’t know how to respond. They end up frustrated, not knowing what to do to keep in relationship with their fathers. The more that happens, the more they develop a bitter taste for dad. When they can’t seem to please because dad is either inconsistent or unavailable, why bother trying. They get bitter, not even wanting dad to be around. If fathers are absent the children lose their intensity for life. They lack both positive and negative feelings, they become flat emotionally. The relationship with dad is a key to that zeal for life. Moms spoil, dads embitter. But dads don’t have to embitter their kids. They can be connected and consistent in their interactions with their children. They can invest time and emotional energy in what their kids are doing. But his becomes increasingly difficult as our kids plug in electronically and isolate. In order for dads to reconnect it takes effort to create a space for that interaction. The kids will probably go kicking and screaming since it means they too will have to get outside their comfort zone. They will have to unplug and interact with an adult. But dads, it is worth it. Do something, anything that can help you connect. Don’t expect instant results. Expect kicking and screaming, but put in the effort.
The Arnold Journey 