18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
I happen to think that men and women are different, that we have different areas of struggle and different weaknesses as a result of Adam and Eve’s sin choices. Here is one example of that difference. Wives struggle with submitting and husbands struggle with loving. Often times wives struggle with submitting because husbands don’t love, and husbands don’t love because their wives are not submitting. We could point fingers all day long, but the blame is circular with fingers pointing all directions, including at ourselves. And finger-pointing has been going on since the beginning and it never solves anything. Most couples fight in predictable patterns. Usually there is one person who pursues and one who withdraws. Each is internally motivated out of concern for the other. The pursuer usually wants to resolve the issue because they care about the relationship and don’t want unsettled matters to block that relationship. The withdrawer does so out of a sense that they don’t want to hurt the other person, so withdrawing saves the other person pain. Of course each is usually aware of other emotions happening in the moment. The most common is anger and frustration. But if we could slow down and get our emotions under control, have a safe place to talk and feel supported in that talk, we might be able to share our concern for the other person. Paul nails the issues. Men and women are different and so often we compound that by marrying someone either just like us or opposite from us. You see it does not matter what personality they have, they are different and there will be some difficulties. Notice that there is a phrase modifying wives submission, “as is fitting in the Lord” and a modifier for the husbands, “do not be harsh with them.” Both have to do with our character as we fulfill our respective roles in marriage. We are to reflect the character of Christ. Submissive does not mean doormat because Jesus was not a doormat. Nor does loving mean some mushy expression that allows wives to run all over husbands. Jesus’ love was difficult and demonstrated the grave nature of sin and rebellion. It taught the lesson that we all need forgiveness. So, today as you are living your life, remember both sides of this coin in your dealings with others. We each must submit and we each must love. Both expressions reflect the character of Christ, something we are to be doing in our lives.
The Arnold Journey 