8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.
Here the Apostle Paul admits to what appears to be a deep depression. Imagine that! The person whom God used to write most of the New Testament dealt with depression. The presence or absence of depression is not necessarily a sign of a lack of faith or of spiritual immaturity. Sometimes even the best of us get down in the dumps. Circumstances can overwhelm us for periods of time. I think of those who have lost loved ones in this nine year conflict in which we find ourselves. The death of a spouse can be devastating. I expect these spouses to spend some time in depression. It takes time for a new equilibrium to be established. Paul faced some extreme hardships during his missionary endeavors. Those hardships put pressure on his mental and spiritual state. It was such a great burden that he got to the point he almost wanted to give up on life. I don’t know if he contemplated suicide or not. I do know that his life was in the balance. He wanted death to relieve him of the pressures. But Paul made it through that time. Life was filled with some very dark days, and yet there was light coming. Notice that Paul says that this pressure was “far beyond our ability to endure.” Then how did he make it through? The Lord provided him the strength he did not have. He endured, even when it was beyond his ability. God’s grace came in and strengthened his spirit. When we are in a dark place in our lives, when we feel as if we can’t endure, that is the point when we can experience the strength of the Spirit empowering us beyond our ability. Those times when we are weak we can experience God’s strength. And when we emerge from that dark place, we will have a new experience of God’s presence and power. So next time you are feeling like life is not worth living, draw in close to the Lord and experience His power and strength to take you further than you thought possible.
The Arnold Journey 