12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
This command has been abused in two very distinct ways. Parents sometimes wield this like a sledge hammer on their kids in an effort to get them to obey. This often happens when kids see their parents not living up to their own stated standard. Then the kids act out because the lines are not clear. They don’t know what the standard really is. Then the parents, frustrated with their own hypocrisy, take it out on the kids. “Do as I say, not as I do.” The other abuse is that kids refuse to give their parents the proper respect. This more often happens during the teen years. Both create long term negative effects. This command is about giving parents their proper place in life. When I was growing up the common culture taught that we were to respect our elders. Any older person was respected. They were offered a seat and we stood up. We gave them the honor because they were older. We were taught that older people deserved to be honored. They had earned that place. When we didn’t give the honor, we were disciplined. Notice that this command has a promise attached to it. If we honor our parents, we get something. The promise is not long life. The promise is connected to living in the Promised Land. Obedience to parents is a sign that we are obedient to the Lord, and as a result we get the benefits of being God’s children with all those rights and responsibilities. If the Israelites honored their parents they would get to live in the Promised Land for a long time. If they did not, they would be ejected from the land. Honoring means that we give proper place to, that we recognize God’s authority in setting up structure in the family. Parents and children have different roles in a family. Those roles change over time, but there is always a structure. Parents always are to be honored. We are to look up to them and give them their proper respect.
The Arnold Journey 