34 Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.
Here is an excellent example of a modern day problem. Today we have rampant sexual encounters that lead to unfulfilled, empty relationships. To so many, sex has no meaning other than a momentary pleasure. The goal of the act is nothing more than a roll in the sack. Jacob has two wives, one he loved and one he was tricked into marrying. The wife he was tricked into marrying desperately wants to be loved, to feel connected to her husband. She tries to do this through sex and having children, a key cultural function of women in that day. But despite the fact that she keeps giving sex and she has sons, her husband still does not love her. She still does not feel attached to him. Sex and children have not drawn him in. She has given him sons to carry on his name. She has given him sex. And despite these, she still does not feel attached to him. Or perhaps better, she doesn’t feel that he is attached to her. She even gives him hints to her need. The first son’s name is Reuben which means “Look, a son.” She desperately wants to be seen. The second son’s name is Simeon, which means “heard.” The Lord has heard and she wants her husband to hear her as well. This third son gets the name Levi, which means “attached.” She desperately wants to be connected to her husband. She has all these feelings of separation and distance despite her offering sex and giving him sons. So many women today are very much like Leah, the woman in this story. They desperately want their man to love them. They want to be noticed. They want to be listened to. They want to feel that their man is connected to them and, unfortunately, they believe sex will accomplish that task. Sexual intimacy has the power to create strong bonds between two people, but only under certain circumstances. One of the prime circumstances is that both partners feel that the other will ‘be there’ for them when they need emotional connection. When there is this sense of commitment to the relationship, both feeling heard and noticed, then the stage is set for real connection. When these are present then sexual intimacy takes on a new dimension, a new level of pleasure. That is because the brain releases Oxytocin, often called the cuddle hormone. It is the hormone released during breast feeding of an infant. It creates a connection between mother and child. This same hormone is released during sexual intimacy when someone feels seen, heard and connected. It is accompanied by a very pleasant feeling, perhaps the best feeling a couple can experience. But our culture has degraded intimacy to a mouse click or a romance novel. We desperately want to be seen, heard and connected, but we don’t know how to get there. So just like Leah, the woman in our story, we give what we think will bring connection, only to find distance instead.
The Arnold Journey 