34 When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!”
The need for a parent’s blessing is not a dead, ancient tradition. I meet people every day who are reaching out for the blessing of their parents. Growing up they received every negative word from their parents and those words stuck deep in their being. When they hear the voice in their mind saying, “you’ll never be able to do that”, it is their parent’s voice speaking. The internal self-talk of most people is a negative one. That is because most of us are still playing the tapes of our childhoods. We hear the message of our parents replayed again and again. I often wonder how different our lives would be if we had received blessing instead of rebuke. Esau has spent a life favored by his father. He was the outdoors type, always hoping on his four-wheeler and heading out to hunt. Well, maybe not a four-wheeler, but you get the idea. He was a rugged man, a man who could get things done. His father liked him better than his brother Jacob. Jacob stayed around the house (tent) with his mother. He never picked up any of the manly traits of his brother. Jacob’s skin was soft. He probably knew how to sew and cook, both of which were usually delegated to the women of a household. Jacob’s mother favored him. And Jacob with the help of his mother has just taken the blessing that Esau wanted and needed. The blessing of that day had substance. Blessings and power and the inheritance attached to them. Today, we throw words around, both uplifting and crushing, with little thought to their long term consequences. And yet our words as parents have the power to change our children. Children just want to find a parent’s favor. They want to please us. They want to know that their world is safe and secure, that they will have a place in the family. When we are harsh with them we threaten that place of safety and security, firing at the most fundamental part of a human being. We need to connect safely with others. Esau needs his father’s blessing. But the blessing has already been given to his brother. And there is little of value left for him to receive.
The Arnold Journey 