28 They answered, “We saw clearly that the LORD was with you; so we said, ‘There ought to be a sworn agreement between us’
Sometimes people who used to oppose us want to switch to our side. We need to let them. The people in our text were not complete enemies of Isaac. They had been somewhat friendly, although there were some battles over water rights in this desert climate. Now that Isaac is growing in power, they want to come and make a treaty with him. They are seeing his power grow and they want to make sure that that power is not used against them. They are being wise. It is always easier to make a treaty before the war begins. Of course Isaac has no intentions of going to war, but they are still afraid of him. The treaties of that time were a little different than treaties of today. Usually there was the stronger person who made the conditions of the treaty. They imposed the rules on the weaker party. There was no negotiation. The weaker party just had to accept the conditions of the treaty. This treaty in this passage is an agreement between equals. Each agrees not to harm the other one. It is presented as a continuation of their previous relationship. When Isaac lived among them before, he was not “harmed” by them. They are asking for the same treatment in the future. They are not asking to join together in battle against a common enemy. They are not asking for mutual protection. They are just asking that they be treated similarly to the way they treated Isaac. It is important in our lives that when someone wants to switch sides that the boundaries of the switch get spelled out. When a spouse who has been unfaithful wants to return, the injured party gets to spell out the conditions of the return. And it is best to do this up front, in detail, and often times in writing. “This sounds awfully formal, doesn’t it?” Yes! Loose boundaries were part of the problem that led to the affair. The offending partner needs clearer boundaries to protect themselves from themselves. The injured party needs clearer boundaries to protect their own sense of self, to keep from getting injured again. There is a good book that can help in this process, Getting Past the Affair by Douglas K. Snyder. It walks couples through the necessary steps of working toward rebuilding their relationship. No matter who wants to switch sides and under what circumstance that switch takes place, a good set of boundaries can help minimize future misunderstandings. Our lives are filled with opportunities for reconciliation. We can make the most of them by walking into them with a clear understanding of what happened and how you want the future relationship to look.
The Arnold Journey 