16 To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
The last part of this verse articulates the great struggle of relationships. A woman’s desire, her longing, is for a deep intimate relationship with her husband. But instead, a shift takes place and he often ends up in a more powerful position in the relationship, making the woman feel less valued and at a distance. As a result she longs even more for her husband, and the husband perceives this longing as a desire for his position and he pushes harder to stay in his position. Both feel alienated in the process, neither one getting what they need from the other. The man’s tendency is to rule from a selfish perspective, to consider his needs greater than his wife’s and therefore set up an imbalance in the relationship. Man should lead as one who has the best interests of his wife at the center of his decisions. Hers should be the needs that get met first. But sin entered the equation and selfishness followed throwing the designed balance out of whack. The woman wants the man for companionship, closeness and intimacy. And we all know what the man wants! The balance in the relationship only happens when each meets the needs of the other. The husband needs to sense the wife’s respect. The wife needs to sense her husband’s desires her companionship. But so often when relationships are straining, the husband does not respect his wife and the wife does not want his companionship. If you are in a cycle like this, the answer is for the wife to respect her husband and the husband to provide companionship to his wife. As each turns toward the other, meeting the needs of the other, then the relationship becomes more fulfilling. And when it is more fulfilling, then it is easier to turn even more and focus on meeting the other’s needs. And in the process, your needs are met. So, start the turning today, wives offering respect, and husbands providing companionship.
The Arnold Journey 