4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)
This seems so obvious that I am not sure why Paul included it, other than the inspiration of God. It must not be so obvious to some or the Lord would not have put it here. It makes sense that all areas of a pastor’s life needs to be in order so that the ministry can proceed uninhibited. It is amazing that the same problem existed almost 2000 years ago. Pastors were neglecting the care of their own families because they thought ministry was more important. Their priorities were out of balance. Perhaps they knew how to put on the public face of a believer, but in their home life their real self shown through. Perhaps they were elevated to leadership too soon, not giving enough time for the Gospel to work fully in the leader’s life and the life of his family. I can see how easily priorities can be mangled. After all eternity is the most important priority in life. But our message and our life must match. You can be a horrible person and be a great lawyer or doctor, but to be a great pastor your life must be in line in all areas. The main focus here is the area of management, because the same skills used at home will be applied in the church body. If the pastor has poor communication or conflict resolution skills at home, when the pressure arrives in ministry, he will apply the same dysfunctional techniques with his flock. If they don’t work at home, they are not going to work in the Body. Maybe because of past trauma the pastor takes everything personally and so gets hurt easily and unnecessarily. When that happens in a family, only the family receives the immediate repercussions. But when that individual is a leader, then all those they are leading can face feelings of rejection or distance, exactly what a body does not need from their pastor. These words are not meant as a condemnation of a pastor with family problems. Instead, it is meant as a challenge to would-be leaders. This is the goal. Even the best leaders can have children who rebel. Even pastors can have their spouse turn from the faith and leave. But people who are felling led toward leadership need to work to get their personal lives in order before they are elevated by the body.
The Arnold Journey 