5 For when we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within.
Conflicts on the outside, fears within. I’m not sure what the specifics of Paul’s conflicts and fears were, but he had conflicts and fears. What a great thing to know, that the man responsible for writing most of the New Testament was like me. He wasn’t squirreled away in some bubble-wrapped world, apart from outside troubles. He was also not a person who was able to keep all the inside jumble all in place. He was just like me. He got overwhelmed with the things happening in his world. He struggled with his inner turmoil. That fits me to a “t”. You would think that after being a Jesus-follower for 32 years that I would have been able to quell the storms on the inside at least. I would have learned the discipline of trusting so I would not fret. But sometimes I am up at night because of the concerns that I just can’t put down. It might be a project I am in the middle of accomplishing, or it might be an interpersonal bump in the road, but I sometimes am not able to place it in God’s hands and leave it there. Maybe it is a commitment that I am struggling to keep or some future care that I bring into the present so I have something to fight over. My point is this: I have not become successful at quelling the storms, internal or external. How about you? What are your storms? What external conflicts can you let go of, since your current strategy has gotten you nowhere? Can you trust God to handle it? Or is it something your hands must accomplish? Are there parts of the conflict you can release? Perhaps you are taking it personally when it is not personal! Now for the internal fears: Have things happened in the past that cause you to limp in fear? My counsel is to find someone with whom to talk these things through. Find a counselor who will be able to walk with you through this and not carry or pick up your fears and add them to their own burdens. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in this process of settling you internal fears. He is the God of Peace after all. Let Him do His work. Peace.
The Arnold Journey 