8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.
Paul’s depression. Have you ever felt like you just want to get off the life train, and spend some time sitting at the station while life flies by? Paul seems to have struggled in his life with this. The weight of his personal sacrifice for the Gospel and the hardships he suffered took their toll. He got to the place where he despaired even of life. For Paul there was such a darkness caused by the pressure of life that was more than he could take. He thought it was all over, that his time had come, there was no way he was going to make it through. 2Cor 4:8 uses this same word to demonstrate the extreme end of the perplexed continuum. Psalm 88:15 also uses this word. Paul still had hope in Jesus and was confident in God, but concerning his physical life, that was a different story. It is that contrast, that paradox that puzzles me at time. I have tremendous hope, and at the same time, I want to get this life over with so I can live, really live in heaven. As I sat at Baghdad International Airport in June of 2003 I hit rock bottom. I was there ministering and sharing Jesus with my men and women. I had a deep feeling of purpose, and yet I was personally not convinced that I was going to make it out of there alive. I was afraid of the mortar rounds that landed. I was afraid of the breaks in our protective fence. I had no visible evidence of eminent danger, and yet I felt like I was going to melt into the desert and my life would end. At one level I knew this was an irrational thought, and yet it was still there. I can imagine this is what Paul felt. The pressures were so great that heaven looked so good at that time that the restraining tugs were barely able to keep him in this world. He hit rock bottom. Maybe you are there today, not sure if you can go on. You know Jesus, and yet the world still looks dark, like options are closing in. If this is how you are feeling, find someone to talk to today. Maybe someone around you is falling into that pit. Reach out and bring some hope to their pit.
The Arnold Journey 